is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
