I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
