I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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