i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There r osticjed everywhere
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
