At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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