And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
