Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize