Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
