Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
