I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
