She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize