How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
