Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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