I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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