Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
