I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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