it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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