Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
