That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
