I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize