I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
