you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
