Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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