this just has baby written all over it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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