Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was like eating out sand paper
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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