I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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