your room smells of hookers.
And success
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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