you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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