if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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