nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
