:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
