If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
