Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize