for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
