I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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