apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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