if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
