I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
