She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
