You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
