i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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