My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
