And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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