I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize