i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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