hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
