im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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