I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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