the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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