I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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