she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize