Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
