Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
