I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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