I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
