We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize