Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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