Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
