I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
