Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
