I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize