if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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