I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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