Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
