It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize