You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
