I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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