My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
