Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
