Porn is love you can see.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Alive.
So much puke
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
