Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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