I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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