Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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