already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
