Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
