I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
